tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56310055769440091642024-03-05T12:47:17.581-08:00Amanda Elizabeth | my life in black and whiteAmateur poetry.Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.comBlogger163125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-52474515320789453402015-02-11T21:30:00.000-08:002015-02-11T21:30:30.465-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
In an instant I view this moment, yesterday or before.<br />
The time drift teasing along my bedside,<br />
I see my fingertips shaking in vibrations, longing for touch.<br />
Left with no validation as the night sleeps, I'm awake dreaming.<br />
My tongue deceives me. My mind fleets. Should I speak?<br />
This deja vue reminds me as time creeps.<br />
Explanation of all moments intertwined, satisfaction delights,<br />
Quickly shifting backwards as it coincides,<br />
I can see, it's too much for me.<br />
The words make no sense to those who won't hear me.<br />
My muttering, loss of attraction.<br />
Silence is beauty,<br />
Yet inside fires blazing.<br />
Torching.<br />
I've cried over my limit, I've said too much.<br />
Back tracking to where I've left off.<br />
Time tells, ashamed to be.<br />
There's a women inside clawing.<br />
Sexual energy, desire for me.<br />
Her appetite for lust rising.<br />
Grown out from loneliness, laid to rest,<br />
Blossoming into what nature meant.<br />
<br />
</div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-62669398125765699632014-07-10T21:06:00.002-07:002014-07-10T21:06:56.448-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
Solar plexus torn,<br />
Chain of mesh absurd,<br />
Long for freedom,<br />
From the little demons,<br />
Conceived by me.<br />
<br />
I'd like to explore the world,<br />
Taste life from another view,<br />
Try out something new,<br />
Leave.<br />
Breathe.<br />
Dance.<br />
Relax.<br />
I don't like the ego.<br />
I don't care for being alone.<br />
Left.<br />
<br />
I wait behind all the time, why?<br />
And when I escape for the brief take, there's silence in the home.<br />
When I return, the chaos burns, my ears ring until I lose.<br />
The end of my days I rather have quiet. Yet the uncontrolled brats loudly create havok,<br />
Calmness is a blue moon.<br />
I offer wisdom of joy that is not taken.<br />
Repeat. Defeat.<br />
<br />
<br />
I want a marriage, a commitment, a trust.<br />
I have children.<br />
Prance the parade.<br />
I ask for too much in a way.<br />
Yet I'd do anything.<br />
My worth, a woman, a fairy tale abandoned.<br />
Create a new life. Get that title. That label you want under conditions.<br />
A true love under no conditions,<br />
What you believe is nothing. </div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-87049961884274668842014-06-27T15:43:00.003-07:002014-06-27T15:44:05.153-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The screams of children, what a delightful yet charming noise ringing in my ears. The daughter had a great Birthday and was the queen for the day, it carried through the rest of the week although it had become a royal pain in my ass. Sure, I want my daughter to smile and feel good about herself, but when I see that glimmer of spoiled brat syndrome shine in her eye I must bring it to a stop. If I hear her shouting and talking back to me in the whiniest way, I know it's time...To take all over her wonderful belongings that she received on her Birthday or how about everything? And of course she went ape. And screamed that I should just throw them all away. Okay, you got it kiddo. Done. Just kidding. I will hold them hostage, most likely for a day, but really should be for a week, if not more.<br />
<br />
I'm doing good I think. My mind likes to trick me sometimes though. I am convinced I have everything together, that I have learned more than I could have ever imagined. Only thing is I have a bad memory, so I often fall back into my insecure ways and forget. It really hurts sometimes. I lose sense of what's truly important and dwell on things I have no control over, and sometimes worse do and can't even recognize it. I am learning new philosophies on the mind and ego. It makes sense to me. It seems that I have dug deeper into myself and am able to understand my certain behaviors. I'd really like to see a specialist..They could write down my feelings so I can remember them. I can't blame anyone. I am responsible for my life and how it is. I believe the environment affects us of course, but we put ourselves there whether it's a person or place and can control that. When I think about where I spend most of my waking hours I realize that it's at work. I walk through the door, put my apron on, punch in, say hello to whoever, walk down stairs, lift my arm up to block the walk in door to avoid painful slap in the head and walk down the aisle toward my department. I walk up to the counter and greet my boss. She has the biggest ego in the world. Insecure so much as if I have no expression she looks for one. Asks me questions, asks me if I am alright, numerous times, daily. Her eyes will squint and zero in on me with judgement if she does not believe my professional answer. The truth is I tense up and lose my soul when I enter her presence. I put on a smile and act energetic, focus positive attention to her and distract as much as possible. When I do not, I am watched like a hawk and considered a threat. I am observed on my looks daily. Fingernails check, hair style check...Mood check. I have unintentionally started my own experiment that now I am only able to see with this uninterrupted moment. I no longer wear makeup nor blow dry my hair. For over a month now. I just don't care. And I don't care about my position. It's a joke. And I laugh at the owners and the managers who think they are managing our department right by having me take this matter into my own and play mind games with my boss. I find it insane. The way I deal with this, is to not take it serious. If I am given responsibilities I take care of them. I work side by side with a person who insists on living in hell and taking me with them.....BUT. I do not have to go with them...And I will not. I will not take my family there with my own misery. I will not be miserable. I will play along until another opportunity arises. I sometimes worry that if I stay in this place and continue to strategize the people around me like pieces on a board game and if am not able to continue will it be because I lost my mind or because I love myself? WHY ME? Such a primitive question. Why anyone? Why not? That's more like it.</div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-8367818660297273832014-05-31T11:44:00.000-07:002014-05-31T11:44:15.457-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Coming from another isn't enough, <div>
Yet the negative words stand out,</div>
<div>
You say have a wonderful day yet you mean the opposite, according to me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I know it isn't right to rot in front of the tv,</div>
<div>
But when you can't handle your own life it's an escape from reality.</div>
<div>
Paranoid social anxiety, I've dug deep in my head to find a monster. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Hold tears back to not repeat, the sadness and despair I've created. </div>
<div>
I know now what I must seek and it cannot be from me, I've lost that ability. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I guess I always knew what was there, I built on top of it.</div>
<div>
And now I've dug deep in my brain and found the negative. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The pressures gone too long and I could write another song and never go through with it, </div>
<div>
Jealousy and resentment have created a pitfall of a tiring mess. </div>
<div>
I wanna be happy for you and all that you do, but I'm hanging myself.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
if i was a painter, would you buy my art</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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if i was a stranger, would we ever talk</div>
<div>
</div>
</div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-42146924003638886432014-05-13T22:30:00.001-07:002014-05-13T22:30:24.263-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm not much of a story teller these days,<br />
The papers scattered on my floor left blank,<br />
I can talk myself in circles, swear the next task I commit to will take.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-67532621549732143822014-03-09T08:27:00.002-07:002014-03-09T08:27:25.237-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Another day goes by,<div>
And I am happy to say,</div>
<div>
I got a lot going on that makes me smile,</div>
<div>
Ain't nothing will get in the way. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My daughter looks at me,</div>
<div>
With her big blue eyes,</div>
<div>
She say's "momma, won't you come and play?"</div>
<div>
I'm gonna make the time today. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sometimes my plate gets high,</div>
<div>
I cannot see on the other side,</div>
<div>
When I take care of business I'm closer to the end...</div>
<div>
Of the pile of papers and then I'll come and play. </div>
</div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-5766870650687513152014-02-23T09:39:00.003-08:002014-02-23T09:41:43.381-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Another turn of light,<br />
Maybe I'll catch some fireflys,<br />
The iridescent glow has captured my eyes. <br />
<br />
A long lost paradise,<br />
Only was found by a surprise,<br />
The ships got lost at sea and they've brought this to me.<br />
<br />
So forget all your debt,<br />
It's another thought and invisible tree.<br />
The leaves may not grow, but the oxygen it'll only flow,<br />
It's carried by the wind and into my lungs.<br />
<br />
Wisdom comes with time,<br />
I can see it in your face.<br />
Your life means much more than you can take.<br />
<br />
So I'll pretend not to look,<br />
when you have your back turned,<br />
you don't know what I know,<br />
but I can tell that you want to.<br />
<br />
And maybe one day you will. </div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-89534032045243084062014-01-11T14:06:00.001-08:002014-01-11T14:06:48.597-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I look around and feel like I'm the only..<br />
One who knows the truth, this kind of knowledge is no type of bliss,<br />
I have control of my reality, as I watch the line of continuous distance.<br />
Plaques by the government, doomed to fail,<br />
Your momma can't protect you or make you feel well.<br />
They'll distract you with wealth and power,<br />
The national anthem is a dream we devour,<br />
Watch another football game and take your flu shot...<br />
Consume, procreate and deem that your vitality is not at any rate,<br />
To them or to your doctor, that you are apart of the American slaughter.<br />
Eat the flesh of pain and hurt, repeat the waste of your world.<br />
Your weapons are pointed at me, to protect your faith and belief..<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-13362395557092429462014-01-11T12:28:00.001-08:002014-01-11T12:28:08.214-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I slept through the storm...<br />
Awoke by the man I adored.<br />
If I only knew what I missed in the night,<br />
The rustling of an inconsiderate right.<br />
It might have never been my fight.<br />
Now that I'm awake and know your warm<br />
I promise not to hurt you anyhow,<br />
Now that I have let it out, my love,<br />
I won't crash us down anymore.<br />
The saddest blow, a friend lost his life...<br />
If he knew what to do, the medication bottles would vanish from his room..<br />
The hardest time I'd ever have is when I face that fact, he'll never come back.<br />
All the time he shared with the world, couldn't add up to the depth of his impact.<br />
Now that I'm awake and know your home,<br />
I promise not to cry anymore,<br />
Now that I have seen your gone, my friend,<br />
I won't forget the life you had.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-69000245391552863572013-12-29T10:00:00.001-08:002013-12-29T10:00:33.137-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Troubled trees blowing freely,<br />
I'd pray to medusa but she does not exist,<br />
Depressed nest of newborn birds,<br />
Their mom ain't coming, she has been captured.<br />
The air feels frigid to my skin,<br />
I am shocked to find the truth.<br />
Oh tell me what to do, but you know.<br />
He won't listen to you.<br />
<br />
Your traditions aren't worth anything to a man who takes no myth.<br />
Your photographs mean nothing when they'll disintegrate anyway.<br />
I walk this path with no ties behind me, break free of your shame,<br />
The lesson learned in this life is to always be happy. </div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-55424995519553136712013-12-14T07:51:00.001-08:002013-12-14T07:51:22.198-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've been going through some changes in my head,<div>
The thoughts I used to think of are instinct from what's been said,</div>
<div>
If I could explain this self discovery, you'd find holes that were dug into. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I closed my door to the outside world, let the sounds turn silent, drown out the opinions. </div>
<div>
The one thing that stayed was what I cared for the most.</div>
<div>
This physical heart pumps blood into my veins, the rhythm of my own song is what I'll play today.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Transformations happen whether you see it or not, my perception can be a dark one with a dim frame. </div>
<div>
When fear is brought in I build a wall, not allowing the negative persuade..</div>
<div>
Yet here I write...in that way.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-76953273503661751912013-11-24T09:35:00.001-08:002013-11-24T09:35:16.044-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
I long to step into nature and feel my body against the grain,<br />
I only want to spend some time, you and I...away<br />
I'd love for you to stay with me...and know my love for you. </div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-24413823991168650252013-10-25T15:23:00.000-07:002013-10-25T15:23:01.054-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This place that I live you've never been,<div>
It's existence an address in my head.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'd like to create a picture you'd take..the phone rings again. another interruption. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-51642282720367178492013-08-04T22:39:00.004-07:002013-08-04T22:39:53.036-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Off with your head and onto the next,<br />
Do you for see my betrothed to be?<br />
Go to your bed and bury your throat,<br />
The screams you have choked on will never be heard.<br />
<br />
A fine woman indeed who walked so dainty,<br />
The gentlemen follow and bend down to their knees,<br />
Silence she asks with a wave of her hand,<br />
Go down to the place where my shoe can fit.<br />
<br />
No sense in spilling the truth, no one can hear you,<br />
She cries to her self and knows no one can help,<br />
Let the rain fall down, let the rain soak herself.<br />
The dreams you have wished for are a fairy tale. </div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-34248173475300709972013-08-03T15:53:00.002-07:002013-08-03T15:53:21.271-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Clean up your mess, there's no such thing has help.<div>
Don't burden the ones you love, they'll never come back. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I've been tired, I've been down, no need to sink you too...</div>
<div>
I express my pain with words, but I don't blame them. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
All I want is to love and forget what made me feel this way.</div>
</div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-53524813314928837332013-08-03T15:46:00.003-07:002013-08-03T15:46:39.136-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
She only writes when she's sad, the only thing that can comfort...<br />
She make believes that she's important, when others ignore her.<br />
<br />
Her eyes reveal her emotions, can't quite figure how to disclose them....<br />
Yet when she grins, her problems are forgotten.<br />
<br />
She has more hope than most, it's what keeps her going,<br />
Has faith in others more, than her own belief.<br />
<br />
She would like to make you laugh, to see you happy,<br />
Although her time is limited, she doesn't mind waiting.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-56724369642484133232013-08-03T15:37:00.001-07:002013-08-03T15:37:18.623-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
House of cards on the floor,<br />
Pick them up before they dissapear.<br />
<br />
Goodnight my darling may I have a kiss?<br />
Not tonight I've vanished.<br />
<br />
Sunset dies and lives again,<br />
My innocent eyes have been damaged,<br />
My mind has been shocked,<br />
I might sink from the top.<br />
<br />
Fear has taken me on a date,<br />
Left me while I was powdering my nose..<br />
Where did they go? they don't know.<br />
<br />
I'm crying here like a child...whose mom won't comfort my fall.<br />
I guess I'll just get up and love myself. </div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-62398646180538678282013-07-27T09:38:00.000-07:002013-07-27T09:38:08.977-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
There's always madness, There will always be.<br />
Yet there's always happiness, going on somewhere in this world.<br />
Broad spectrum. Point. Reality.<br />
Love. Pain.....<br />
<br />
I was a passenger, on our way home.<br />
I talked of my children before we met.<br />
Tears ran down my cheeks as we spoke of compassion.<br />
Lights shined in my condensation...<br />
It was quiet in the back, my love content.<br />
A forceful blow to the head, lunged us forward.<br />
Her voice rose as she said "oh my god".<br />
The once silent back was comforting.<br />
His calm words assured me the moment before the crash.<br />
I looked forward, hands braced to the side,<br />
Trees and darkness a head of me.<br />
The front of our vessel went down,<br />
Causing the car to flip in the air....<br />
Gravity and five seconds later,<br />
We had landed.<br />
<br />
Are we alive?<br />
My vision blurred.<br />
Fearful thoughts drowned my reality.<br />
To my left, she was hanging there.<br />
"We have to get out" was said behind me.<br />
Belts holding us tight, blood rushing to my head..<br />
I released myself to the shattered glass under me,<br />
Wrists could barely support.the fall.<br />
I can't get out.<br />
The doors were pinned tight and the window would not roll...<br />
Panic was setting in.<br />
He kicked the door and I climbed out.<br />
Turn around and see the horror.<br />
Is she okay? Her legs look crushed.<br />
My imagination took over.<br />
Shaken in the night, the roads were pitch black.<br />
" I need my glasses " she said, still hanging.<br />
I watched as my love searched.<br />
He found her sight and they emerged from the crushed vehicle.<br />
<br />
Ahead in the brush was the car that hit us.<br />
Lights flashing in the night.<br />
A friends tune on the stereo continued to play..<br />
We stood and held on to each other.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-2825898598627560752013-07-27T08:32:00.000-07:002013-07-27T08:32:23.870-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've been depressed. I've let pessimistic thoughts burden me. <div>
Not since awhile, when I'd smile, this mask wouldn't burn. </div>
<div>
I'd talk to you, share my view and your tone or lecture scared me...</div>
<div>
It's not what you say, it's the rhythm of your breath, vibrations of your intent....</div>
<div>
Frustration, loss of cause, the point you have placed, has a harder time making it through. </div>
<div>
It's not anyone's fault, I walk in my own problems, just in need of some positive truth, </div>
<div>
I cry in my bed, laundry, clutter everywhere, why can't I move? </div>
<div>
Traumatic events open doorways that hurt. </div>
<div>
The stress wins the race. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This negativity needs to end, I have a lot to be happy about. </div>
</div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-13635868227959240612013-06-02T01:23:00.000-07:002013-06-02T01:23:11.872-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The bond between those who love deeply is mysterious.<div>
When their eyes meet a glimmer appears in an exclusive way.</div>
<div>
Words of beauty speak eloquently when shared.</div>
<div>
A desire and need for physical affection...</div>
<div>
When met, mind is at peace. </div>
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<br /></div>
</div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-8343990765810150842013-04-20T13:07:00.001-07:002013-04-20T13:08:21.656-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
I got a man whose infected with the fever, I got a man whose burning inside<br />
I got no money, but I'm somewhat of a believer, the grass caught on fire and it's better on my side.<br />
<br />
Won't you run away with me, I can't cure you but, I think, a little medicine just might make this right,<br />
I could bound and tie your wrists, be your dominatrix or smile real sweet and bandage your fists...<br />
<br />
I got a man whose heart beats to a rhythem, a tune I play when he's inside of me.<br />
I got a heart that shattered on the kitchen table, my family dined and were fed for a year.<br />
<br />
Won't you come and stay with me, we could build this house with leaves, I'd tell the wind to take a hike.<br />
I could grow our own garden, the one we dreamed and forgotten, plant the new life and let our love subside.<br />
<div>
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Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-73090428384927985082013-04-14T09:06:00.001-07:002013-04-14T09:06:55.455-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As I lay here on my couch, I am nauseous.<br />
I want to express myself, but know it's negative.<br />
I can write how I feel and be done...<br />
I don't understand why I am sick.<br />
Every month. Weak immunity?<br />
Over exerted?<br />
Disease?<br />
I feel like I am no fun.<br />
I try to be healthy.<br />
I haven't drank a drop of alcohol in almost seven months.<br />
I haven't had sugar, besides potatoes in almost a month.<br />
I turn white as a ghost and puke at work randomly.<br />
I take all my vitamins and probiotics like a good girl.<br />
I go to the gym despite how I feel.<br />
I want to live and do things.<br />
I am afraid that no one will be there.<br />
I am so tired. </div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-51379913087563924502013-04-03T22:47:00.000-07:002013-04-03T22:47:23.039-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I approached a lone man. his eyes were covered by one hand, the other rested on his lap. <div>
He appeared to have no tongue, could not speak, hum or tell what he had written down. </div>
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I leaned down to his side and whispered in his ear "why are you here?".</div>
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Silence was my cue he could not hear. </div>
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Gardens surrounded the shelter. </div>
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Lush, green flora imprisoned us. </div>
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Clouds formed a grey gate outside the entrance. </div>
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Vines and branches rapidly grew before me.</div>
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Hands and ankles bound, lifted above ground......</div>
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The man laughed as if he knew....</div>
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<br /></div>
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It poured, acid like rain burned my skin.</div>
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The clothing I wore melted away.</div>
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The fumes from the air disrupted my vocal projection. </div>
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A loud roar of thunder echoed in the night...</div>
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Blood dripped down from my ears..</div>
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The man stood on one foot and removed his hands from his eyes.</div>
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I was blinded by the toxic skies. </div>
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"Want to live?" he asked "Sign this paper and you'll pass."</div>
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Of course I would to survive..</div>
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The deed was did and done, the man vanished and I was left.</div>
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My sight had been taken, I could not speak, nor hear. </div>
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I traced what was written with the tips of my fingers...</div>
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"Curse". </div>
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Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-54201384824394055282013-04-03T22:07:00.000-07:002013-04-03T22:07:15.764-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<br />
I have lived for millions of years and evolved thousands of times...<br />
The elements I endured failed to eliminate my existence. <br />
I dwell in your mind and pierce into your soul when you are weak.<br />
Any negative thought feeds me with delight...<br />
If you turn off the lights, I will appear.<br />
<br />
Man fears my truth. I am paid to be ignored.<br />
You may sacrifice yourself for me..<br />
I will never approve.<br />
Even though I say I do...<br />
<br />
I am you. I am your enemy. I will fill your heart with dread. Keep you from happiness.<br />
<br />
There may be light and there may be love, the strongest bonds become parallel....<br />
Unite, trust and speak of peace, banish the darkness that resides in all of us. </div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631005576944009164.post-444764737366872982013-02-13T08:19:00.000-08:002013-02-13T11:59:26.293-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I just need to vent.<br />
<br />
<br />
As of right now, I am in between. I have several different paths and I have no control of either of them at the moment. My brain isn't handling it the best and my stress levels are increasing. I never imagined being a single parent would be this. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't realize it would drive me to the brink of insanity. I am kidding. Sort of. VENT! If I move to a different school district that has the best elementary school I would have to take my children to a ghetto daycare. If I stay where I am and place him in a school in my district, it's acceptable just not bad ass, but the childcare would be at a home and more flexible, less likely to get ill....Ideally I would like to not work and just use loans, I realized student loans $10-20K a year for daycare plus extra for living expenses would not work out, I can't even get that much....So...I have to work. I feel insecure at my current job and am not sure if my new college schedule will suffice, so I may need to get new employment. With the new flexible daycares I am looking into I could work at night if needed. I could get a job as a waitress if I have to. I am going to do whatever I have to, but I know that I will be burned out. It's for my children's future, I want to make sure I can support them and have security....I could bawl my eyes out just thinking about it. but, I am strong. I can do this. Fuck yeah!!!<br />
<br />
<br />
REVISED.<br />
<br />
I am going to post pone College. Focus on the children, get them in school...Attend school for myself when they are in school......That way I don't get raped by Daycare costs. I am relieved honestly. Very relieved. I had so much stress and concern that this was going to be too much and as I am getting deeper into reality, I know that patience is a virtue and being there for Connor and Evelyn at a young age is something I cannot replace. I love them so much and I want to remain sane and not turn into a stressed out and unavailable parent...Keep options open. Dear Connor and Evelyn. when you are older I am going to make you read this. :D</div>
Amanda Elizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05728931917632595634noreply@blogger.com0