I just need to vent.


As of right now, I am in between. I have several different paths and I have no control of either of them at the moment. My brain isn't handling it the best and my stress levels are increasing. I never imagined being a single parent would be this. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't realize it would drive me to the brink of insanity. I am kidding. Sort of. VENT! If I move to a different school district that has the best elementary school I would have to take my children to a ghetto daycare. If I stay where I am and place him in a school in my district, it's acceptable just not bad ass, but the childcare would be at a home and more flexible, less likely to get ill....Ideally I would like to not work and just use loans, I realized student loans $10-20K a year for daycare plus extra for living expenses would not work out, I can't even get that much....So...I have to work. I feel insecure at my current job and am not sure if my new college schedule will suffice, so I may need to get new employment. With the new flexible daycares I am looking into I could work at night if needed. I could get a job as a waitress if I have to. I am going to do whatever I have to, but I know that I will be burned out. It's for my children's future, I want to make sure I can support them and have security....I could bawl my eyes out just thinking about it. but, I am strong. I can do this. Fuck yeah!!!


REVISED.

I am going to post pone College. Focus on the children, get them in school...Attend school for myself when they are in school......That way I don't get raped by Daycare costs. I am relieved honestly. Very relieved. I had so much stress and concern that this was going to be too much and as I am getting deeper into reality, I know that patience is a virtue and being there for Connor and Evelyn at a young age is something I cannot replace. I love them so much and I want to remain sane and not turn into a stressed out and unavailable parent...Keep options open. Dear Connor and Evelyn. when you are older I am going to make you read this. :D

As time grows closer to mystery, my mind is all over the place. 

I've become vain for a distraction..

Can I categorize my life like files in a cabinet?

I've soared over cliffs higher than this, yet I exhaust my mind with tasks. 

Like an old habit that surfaces, I think back at how I've rekindled it...

When the plate is heavy and you get lost up ahead, the kettle will boil and burn your skin. 

I've learned from before that this is not the best....Way to clean up your stress. 

And the conclusion to this day is to love, dream and have faith. Thank those who care enough to communicate.