Most of my inspiration is from sadness...When I write, I create a release..I have no intention of causing depression from my poetry, if anything I appreciate the ability to express it.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Tomorrow will be my fifth day of a juice fast. I am feeling pretty emotional, which is supposedly a normal detox symptom. When am I not emo though? Haha........

 After work, I went over to my mom's to meet her new puppies. Adorable fuzzballs! I couldn't help but melt when I nuzzled my face up to theirs. Very cute. I want one! She named them Sunny and Sabrina. My behavior was rather strange tonight though. I talked to the puppies as if they were babies and couldn't get enough of them. I love animals, but don't get too crazy. We watched the movie "Ted", I liked it a lot, my kind of humor and it had a chick, love story kind of thing. After the movie, I got pretty serious. I actually cried like a baby. I talked about my mind when I was a child and how I felt... Growing up I watched my mom get mistreated by my father despite how hard she tried to make it work.. He was mentally abusive to her. I longed for a normal family. I knew ours was dysfunctional. I remember spending time with my friends families and watching their parents interact and I wanted that for my mom. I dug deeper into what I feel now and how I still and always will want that, but now it's for myself. I realized that I never want Connor and Evelyn to feel the way I did, to watch their mom hurt and suffer. It all makes sense I suppose. I married young to someone who was safe, I even remember thinking that he would never abuse me and that's all that mattered..Bleh. I feel nauseated. I've grown up. I know that I am worth more than that. I am happy with how things have turned out even though it's been hard. I don't need to worry about my mom, she is taken care of. I understand that my father was sick. My kids are amazing and resilient and I am strong and will do my best to keep them safe in all ways. All you need is love. 

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