Most of my inspiration is from sadness...When I write, I create a release..I have no intention of causing depression from my poetry, if anything I appreciate the ability to express it.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

I long for the night to watch the moon glow,
I wait for the moment to feel the spirit touch my soul,
Time stands forever when I close me eyes,
And when I open them now all I see is your love.

When I speak of holiness, I feel a warm harmony in my chest,
I feel excitement to have this faith, no more fear for the end of my day,
My heart has opened, my eyes as well, no longer a drone, I will not dwell.
It took me a century and time on my own to be touched by God, to finally let go...

Thursday, September 27, 2012

What it was like...

I remember the day by the train, the sweet innocence blossoming and the mutual bliss...and curiosity.
Almost two years since you changed my world and heart..
So much responsibility for young lovers... Burdened with not enough.
I walked through the park with a red umbrella, talking on the phone...
The rain sprinkled lightly, I felt...I knew..
I told you. It went on from there.
The conversation could play in my mind..forever.
The day we were to part and I asked if you'd wait for me...
I felt a sadness..Tragedy. I didn't want to be away from you..Despite the little time I knew..
Tears run down my cheak as I remember...Will I ever? I think not...
 I turn to god...And ask why? He does not answer me.
Why so much feeling? I love him. I always have and will...


Wednesday, September 26, 2012

I am aware of the change, it's about time I've found meaning. 
I feel content inside with a sense of well being..
I love the leaves when they fall...Another chance to begin...

My children's love could fill this room, banish all hurt and gloom...
Their innocence and silliness teaches me to be patient..
Hold their little hands and kiss them, every night.  
Look into their eyes and see why I'm here.
Listen carefully, watch them grow...
Hope tomorrow continues on..I live for their smiles..Carry on for our life. 

I am sad for how I felt, struggled with what had overwhelmed, me. 
I am thankful I held on, to what has always meant the most..
I promise to stay strong and protect...
Even when I doubt myself. I will never look back. 

Friday, September 21, 2012

Tempted to dial your number, I won't,
I crave to hear your voice.
I have no intention of connecting, but I'm having difficulty stopping myself...

I feel shameful for not letting go like this, dragged behind you and you had no recollection,
You could turn around, but you didn't see me there.
Why did I hold onto you?
Why did I feel you wanted me to?
I think back on all the time I spent...
Dreaming of you. And I still do.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

I open my eyes and see a blurry figure in the distance,
A smudge on my lens in the form of a man.
I close my eyes and see a clear picture of someone I loved,
A smudge in my mind that I see occasionally...

I pray for guidance and peace.
I live for this day..I ask for forgiveness. 
I'm fortunate to believe. I'm happy to fulfill..

I long for something, a feeling. A touch...Purity. 

The light has descended upon my family, prevail. 
The time has passed quickly, I am finally free.
I am blessed to have my loves, they are my extension...
I am waiting for someone, not sure what he will be. 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I sense you are lost, you feel that it's not done.
I fear that you can't hear what I have to say.
I don't want anything, from you.

It's not what you don't have, it's what you can't have,
You could accomplish the list and think that I'm yours,
But unfortunately it's not about that, it's the experience you have not endured.

I will not be manipulated or sold. I am my own. You don't know what could make me happy, you don't even know me.
If I told you I sense dysfunction in your motives, what would you do... 

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I want more

You know I really don't truly get you, I say I do, but  I don't have a clue..
I feel you always talk in circles, because your too damn stubborn to listen to yourself.
We're the same to a sense, but I really think your a mess, like me, but I don't take things so seriously.

I won't wait anymore, the love I have still lingers though...I think I just might, fall in love with myself,
I already feel a change in me, a desire to do what's best for me...and your not.

No more phone calls, no more hope..When you come to town I'll make sure I'm gone. Sorry to say, you waited for a cure, but it's too late this infection is viral. I had patience, despite what you told me, to move on and live, yet you still loved me, I'm tired of games and know what I deserve, I don't want a playmate, I want to be heard.

 My weakness is empathy, I reach out to those who need, I'm drawn to those who are wounded,  want to help others who are burdened from the past and pain, but I don't want to live that way. I'm living in the present today. I finally know what I feel is right and the moment is all that matters, what I do with my day is enough and tomorrow is uncertain so it's pointless to worry or think about my father and how years ago he hurt me, I'm who I am right now and I love that I can breath, that my life is existing.

We could spend a decade figuring out what to do, but I really rather make love.....But that's not gonna happen today, I can't control you, make you move or tell you what to do, so this is when I have to turn off the wanting and let the opportunity for love to happen, whether it's from you or not.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

I built myself a home, alone.
I thought I'd get lonely, but I'm not.
I'm somewhat of a loner, I prefer it that way,
I enjoy company occasionally..Until my mind needs a break.
When the day starts I'm never without a constant social flock in the muck......
And when I enter my nest, I sigh and am relieved to finally rest....
That's when I know, I rather be alone.

Forty two days, amazing how fast it came and how you are dying to break,
Free from the sun, you hide in the shade behind a tree that's covered in bugs.
That crawled over me, under my dress they were attracted to my scent and that's when...
I whispered your name and could no longer breath.

No longer breath..Simply.
Do not despair. I don't need air.
My energy fields are vibrant enough to cover miles to the sea,
I am surrounded in light, despite what the world tells me.

Twenty miles on the concrete, wind broke straight through me,
I feel a secret integrity...Empowered by my beauty...
No smoke from the gun, it hasn't been shot,
It will. I will. I am my own weapon.
I'm nice, I care, but I am protective.
The big bad wolf can't blow my house down.
He can't even see me.