Most of my inspiration is from sadness...When I write, I create a release..I have no intention of causing depression from my poetry, if anything I appreciate the ability to express it.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I just need to vent.

As of right now, I am in between. I have several different paths and I have no control of either of them at the moment. My brain isn't handling it the best and my stress levels are increasing. I never imagined being a single parent would be this. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't realize it would drive me to the brink of insanity. I am kidding. Sort of. VENT! If I move to a different school district that has the best elementary school I would have to take my children to a ghetto daycare. If I stay where I am and place him in a school in my district, it's acceptable just not bad ass, but the childcare would be at a home and more flexible, less likely to get ill....Ideally I would like to not work and just use loans, I realized student loans $10-20K a year for daycare plus extra for living expenses would not work out, I can't even get that much....So...I have to work. I feel insecure at my current job and am not sure if my new college schedule will suffice, so I may need to get new employment. With the new flexible daycares I am looking into I could work at night if needed. I could get a job as a waitress if I have to. I am going to do whatever I have to, but I know that I will be burned out. It's for my children's future, I want to make sure I can support them and have security....I could bawl my eyes out just thinking about it. but, I am strong. I can do this. Fuck yeah!!!


I am going to post pone College. Focus on the children, get them in school...Attend school for myself when they are in school......That way I don't get raped by Daycare costs. I am relieved honestly. Very relieved. I had so much stress and concern that this was going to be too much and as I am getting deeper into reality, I know that patience is a virtue and being there for Connor and Evelyn at a young age is something I cannot replace. I love them so much and I want to remain sane and not turn into a stressed out and unavailable parent...Keep options open. Dear Connor and Evelyn. when you are older I am going to make you read this. :D

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