Most of my inspiration is from sadness...When I write, I create a release..I have no intention of causing depression from my poetry, if anything I appreciate the ability to express it.

Monday, October 15, 2012

What? Amanda's a Christian?

Yes. I don't know how to explain it to anyone really, you'd have to live and be in my body, experience my life and that's not possible, but I can tell you this. God exists. I was agnostic since I was a teenager, before that I had a deep connection to a presence I knew as God. I prayed every night and talked to him about everything.Somewhere along the line of a tormented childhood and dysfunctional pre teen era, I lost faith in God and was angry. I had such strong feelings against anything holy. I actually wanted to die and suffer. I wanted to be alone. I played with magic. Witchcraft...Always had a strong connection to it, I could not explain. I know that I'm some sort of spiritual gateway, sensitive, but what I used it for is all that truly matters.

That spiritual gateway was never meant to be used the way I was using it....I was so stubborn, like most of the people I know. So many questions...Judgments....Science....But when you reach your hand out, beg for mercy and forgiveness and are touched by the Holy spirit and Jesus Christ, you realize that all that you were experiencing, all the connections, metaphysical and psychic readings couldn't even lead up to this. It's a complete sense of peace and love. When I speak of holiness I feel harmony in my chest....I am one, I do not worship myself or any other man or woman on this earth. Not one person is better than me. We are all equal, God is mighty and powerful, I worship the son, the father and the holy spirit now. If I had a time machine and was able to view this blog entry a year ago I would have been shocked. I sort of am shocked that this has happened. It's interesting to look back at everything that has lead me here, to my new found faith. The people, the path....It all ties together. I'm a sinner, and I am a human and God sent his only son to die for our sins so we could have eternal life, so we could be forgiven. The disbelief of this is so common. I thought it was a joke. I felt sorry for the "sheep" who believed this. Turn the tables and I realize how judgmental I had been...On how I am now being judged and told to look at the big picture. Well, I've lived the life on the other side and it's a lonely one....And then that changed. I was summoned. I let go.....I felt the holy spirit. I feel so different now. I've always had a desire to love, but now that has grown even stronger. I have so much feeling for the world. I want to share what has happened to me, I want everyone to feel this joy. But I also remember what I thought before now and how irritating it was to be preached to.  

I have become involved in a church, what an amazing place. I was baptized this morning.

 A married couple who I have become good friends with did the ceremony for me. The three of us stood in front of 100 or more people. They spoke of my story and how I found faith then he asked if there was anything I wanted to say. I felt compelled to...I was not nervous at all, I couldn't believe how easy it was to speak in front of all those people and open my heart.....

There was a metal tub filled with water and they stood on each end. I climbed into the tub of luke warm water and put my arms across my chest holding one wrist. They pulled me back into the water. I died and was reborn. That is the symbolism behind the baptism, but in reality I died and was reborn as soon as I accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.....

1 comment:

  1. Amanda, I love your candid honesty! I wish more believers were this bold...I am slowly but surely working my way there, but I am so touched by your declaration of faith. It all makes sense now knowing you are a fellow sister in Christ, you carry that same spirit of joy and love that only comes from knowing Him! And girl, I can totally relate to you about being very sensitive to 'spiritual' things...but you are sooo right, nothing can compare to what we have in Christ. He is the way, the truth, the life, and if you know Him intimately, then your life will radically change for the better. It's not about religion, but relationship, and giving your life to Him, so he can mold us and shape us and give us life more ABUNDANTLY. How amazing is that! I am so happy for you and I'll be praying that He continues to lead you in His way, you are already in such a great position to bless others and shine His light and Love, which you already exude my dear. Your writing is beautiful!